Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
