I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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