Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
