Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
