Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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