coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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