So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
third nipple confirmed
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
