JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
