Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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