Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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