allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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