I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
