Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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