So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I faked an abortion last night.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
