i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
