When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
