Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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