She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
