Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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