so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Randomize
