I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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