Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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