as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
