I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
