Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
