He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
