I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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