Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
