haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
