Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
