I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
