he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
