There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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