Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
