i don't like sucking hair
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
