How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
