I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
