I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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