Please, let me fuck your mom
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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