So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
