I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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