i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
