you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
