You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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