Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
