so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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