So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
