the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
