also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You left your phone here
Wait...
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