whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
