fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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