Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
