around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
